🔗 Share this article

I have been friends for over two decades, who has faced and conquered many challenges, which I admire. Yet, she has been repeatedly taken by surprise by others. Her husband walked away, and it was an unexpected event. Many of close acquaintances drifted away at that point, as they were only interested in him. It shocked her. She put in increased attention in our friendship, likely understood more acutely what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, quite a few of her friends vanished without her being sure why. Her last employer became hostile, even though she was an excellent employee, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, both of us retired and are seeing time together, however, I feel my role in our friendship is as the audience. I start discussion points only for her to redirect them to her own topics. Politically, she has strong opinions. I try to suggest double-checking information and alternate views.

She has been planning a vacation abroad I've visited on several occasions and resided in for some time. I tried to provide advice, but this was met with resistance. She essentially solely sought validation of her decisions. I have ended 30 days in that place she is eager to reconnect, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling in this role who cuts and runs abruptly, however, I feel she can understand the consequences of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

One option is to cut and run, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer that we desire. But confrontation with the goal of resolution takes courage and willingness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially requires explaining the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be as factual as possible and essentially exactly what occurs. Step two is to express the way it affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement here. What you feel belong to you, naturally. Step three involves requesting how you are both will alter the interaction in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too has her own side, meaning you must to be prepared to listen to her. An approach that works is telling your friend:

"Please share your thoughts while I will remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage understanding.

Key Takeaways

Your friend could ignore all you say, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they have a version about themselves they cannot let go of since their identity depends upon it and it represents they've known. This is difficult as there is no clear path here, mere obstacles. Yet she could start out defensively and then think about what you've said. And should you never reach a fix, it provides peace knowing you were open and direct.